Driver's License
by Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs
Summary: Torn, tired of Jak running in with the FL, forces him to take a driver's license course. But, seeing as he is a reckless driver, it has disasterous results... Complete...for now...


I figured that I should modernize this older story, correcting some spelling errors in the process.

Here's how this thing started: I noticed that in the games, Jak drives zoomers around mindlessly, (that or I don't feel like using the control stick) but he's never gotten a license. And he's never needed one, or tried. And this is exactly why...

I own nothing except the OCs.

* * *

**_DRIVER'S LICENSE_**

Jak was speeding through the streets as fast as he could, seven FL cruisers charging after him. "Pull over!" a soldier yelled.

"NEVER!" Jak screamed as he threw his Peacemaker at them. It hit the ground which caused it to fire and shoot Samos as he was walking by.

Jak flinched and began going faster. The guards began shooting at him, and he threw Daxter at them. Daxter hit the ground and farted, which hit Samos as well. Jak floored it but was brought to a sudden stop when he hit a wall and went flying from the exploding vehicle. He soared across town and went right through the window of the FL headquarters, conveniently landing on Torn.

Torn growled and pushed Jak off. "Did you have a run in with the Freedom Guards again?"

"Maybe..."

Torn rolled his eyes. "Okay, who gave you your license? Every casual drive that you go on ends with you being chased across town and hurting me in some fashion."

"Who what me my what?"

Torn sighed. "I guess that explains your reckless behaviour. At least you haven't wrecked someone else's property."

"Reckless is a bit too small a word, disastrous might be more fitting," Jak commented. "And as for not recking someone else's property, don't go out to where you parked your prized zoomer."

-Outside-

In the spot reserved for Torn, there was a flaming pile of something that didn't even look like it was once anything capable of existing.

-Back inside-

"I won't even ask," Torn growled. "Look, I want you to go get a driver's license. I know someone that does that kind of stuff, I'll direct you to him."

"Huh?" Jak said, halfway through sawing all of Torn's guns in half.

"Never mind, just go meet this guy."

"Is it Et Cetera?" Jak asked.

Torn glared at him. "How did you know it would be that one original character instead of any of the many other possibilities?"

"Well, he has a lot of jobs," Jak said. "And you were just talking to him. See? He's right there." Et waved lightly. "What jobs do you have?"

Et took tons of cards from his pocket. "Car mechanic, pro stadium racer, pro street racer, traveler, accountant, musician, magician, hypnotist, dry cleaner, novelist, artist, publisher, cartoonist, gun designer, driving instructor, salesman, astronaut, house builder, actor, TV star, star, singer, stair, vet, brain surgeon, meteorologist, fanfic character, Frankenstein, Frankenstein's creation (not in any way related to Frankenstein), record player, mortician and wacky light bulb designer," Et said. "I have another fifty seven job cards at home."

-The next day-

Jak jumped on a random zoomer and went driving toward whatever building he was to get his license from. He was driving at top speed when he passed some guard cruisers.

"That guy's going at five times the speed limit," one guard said.

"Yup," the other absentmindedly muttered as he filled out the crossword section. The other guard turned on the cruise and began chasing him. Jak sighed and sped up.

"Hey, buddy, you're free to do whatever kinds of insane stunts you want to," Daxter said to his perch. "Just one condition: don't throw me this time!"

Torn was going to see how the lesson would go when Jak sped by, followed by about eight cruisers. "Typical," he muttered and went to get his prized zoomer. Then he saw what was in his spot. He screamed very loudly, cursing Jak's existence.

Jak was almost there when a few cruisers cut off his path from ahead. His eyes narrowed and he charged head on at them, colliding with a random cruiser. Both exploded.

Jak fell on the ground, rolling on impact. Daxter fell on the Peacemaker which fired and sent him flying. "Looks like I'll be doing the course alone," Jack declared. He walked away, ignoring the flaming heaps of wreckage and destruction from his homicidal crash.

Pecker was flying around when Daxter landed on him. They were both knocked unconscious.

Jak arrived at the driver's course. Et was standing beside a double seated zoomer, drawing new light bulb designs in a sketchbook. "Finally, I was wondering if you were going to come," he said.

"Well, the Jaktinator is here!" Jak said proudly, raising his chin.

"You've hung around Daxter far too much," Et said.

"Well duh, he's on my shoulder all day!" Jak said in an obvious tone.

"Well where is he now?" Et asked, looking around.

Jak opened his mouth then closed it. "He went flying somewhere. I'm not too sure where he landed."

Pecker and Daxter were still unconscience.

Et sighed. "Well, we better start. Let's get into the car."

Et stepped in and noticed it was full of beer bottles and the radio was at max. He turned to Jak. "I read that those annoy people pretty easily," Jak said. " Pretty funny, huh?" Et stared at him. "And I'm guessing I have to get rid of all those bottles, right?"

-Three hours later-

Jak jumped into the driver's seat and Et jumped into the shotgun. Jak tried to put the key into various spots including the CD spot, which blew up; the windshield wiper lever, which turned them on; and Et's ear.

"I thought that you've driven before!" Et said.

"Yeah, but I usually steal the zoomers, so the key's already in the right spot," Jak said before finally getting it right. The zoomer rumbled and Jak put it into drive before resting his foot on the reverse pedal. It went flying backwards for about a kilometre before the bumper hit and knocked out the coming around Pecker and Daxter. The vehicle crashed into a wall, setting off the airbags.

Et slowly pulled out of the fetal position. "Why didn't you take your foot off reverse?" he whimpered.

"There's a reverse?"

Jak pressed the gas. He hit every pylon that he was supposed to go around, even the ones that were robots programmed to jump out of the way.

"You have to _not_ floor it!" Et said.

"There's something else besides flooring?" Jak asked in amazement. Et hit his head on the dashboard a few times until the glove compartment opened and hundreds of dollars flowed out. "So that's where that went!" Jak said. Then a monkey fell out. "And there's Bobo the monkey!"

After Et jumped out and put the pylons back twice (Jak fell asleep and accidentally drove over them and Et), they were ready to go again.

Torn arrived in time for Jak's rampage, during which he drove over every pylon a third time and hit Torn when the man suddenly walked out of a bush into the zoomer's path. Torn went flying into a building. Jak slammed on the breaks causing the zoomer to flip over and land on its top, skidding a bit over the metal ground that made up the city's streets.

Jak had used a Light Shield to protect them, but they were still trapped under it.

-Fourteen miserable minutes later-

"Well, seeing as my car's totaled, you'll do the written part now," Et said. He handed Jak a piece of paper and a pen.

Jak sat down. He looked over the questions.

_1. If you were to get pulled over, what would you do?_

Jak smirked. 'I know the answer to this!' he thought and wrote down: "I'd throw Daxter and my Piecemaker at them!"

Jak answered a lot of questions wrong, getting the occasional one completely wrong and off topic. He answer the 42nd one (_Would you ever get distracted at a car to your left?_) "No, but I'd probably brush my teeth with a monkey wrench, which leads to a funny story. One day I got up and was so tired that my vision was blurry. I picked up Daxter, thinking he was a toothbrush, and put toothpaste on him before I started throwing him around my teeth. And one time he made me laugh so hard that I had swallowed my toothbrush! Good times."

Jak answered most of the other questions in a fashion that only someone with rage issues would. Some he needed to draw a picture, and usually sketched one of his guns. For example, in question 53 (_What does the ignition look like?_) he drew his Super Nova blasting what was supposed to be a Metal Head but ended up as a green stick figure. In question 67 (_Draw a single seated zoomer._) he drew a picture of his scatter gun.

When Jak finished he gave the paper to Et who quickly scanned the sheet. "Well, while I easily mark this we'll try the course again," he said. "And Torn has sued you for hitting him."

"WHAT?" Jak screamed, shaking the man by his collar. "After all I did for him?"

"Like blowing up his zoomer, driving a snowplow into his house-"

"I told you, I was wasted!" Jak interrupted.

Et continued like Jak hadn't said anything. "-ran over him, re-routed his toilet pipes so they went back up and hit him in the face, let a radioactive ape into his house-"

"The ape tricked me!" Jak interrupted. "And they were having a good time!"

-Torn's house-

The ape had shut Torn in a bird cage and was whipping everything it saw with a horse whip. "Hey! That was expensive!" Torn said. The ape started rapidly whipping him. "When I get my hands on Jak..." Torn winced when it hit his eye.

-Back at the driver's course-

"-'borrowed' his record player and threw it over a cliff-"

"It wouldn't play my CDs!" Jak said.

"Record players don't play CDs!" Et said. "I could go on all day saying stuff you did, but our session ends in fifteen minutes!"

Jak went outside and saw that Et had Samos's car. "How'd you convince Samos to let you borrow this?" he asked.

"Let's just say he really likes a million dollars...so I sent him on an imaginary treasure hunt into the Amazon!" Et said. "I don't think we'll see him for a LONG time..."

Jak started the car and it hovered up twelve feet. He pulled a lever and it went up another three kilometres. He pushed a button and it plummeted underground. He went to mole people. "There is no escape from the fortress of the moles," one declared.

Jak pressed a button and it went back up. "Except that way."

He started driving and narrowly avoided the first pylon. He ran over the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh. Then he shot the rest so Et had to put them all back, buying some new ones when necessary.

The next time, Jak sneezed and made the car explode by activating sneeze sensitive dynamite. They had to wait ten minutes before they got a new car. With five minutes left, Jak was a little twitchy and he threw his Peacemaker at a squirrel. It missed and hit Torn. Torn was out of gun ammo so he threw that dagger he always has at Jak. It hit the engine, so they had to get a new car.

"Well, your time expired," Et said. Jak rolled his eyes and gave him a fifty. "Actually, I think my watch is about two hours fast."

Et ordered a zoomer with the fifty, and since he was tired of getting hurt by the car's destructions, he got a lawn chair and started watching from the roof of the building.

Jak drove quickly and tried as hard as he could to dodge the pylons. He swerved to the right then made a sharp turn left. He swerved and swished through the course.

"How'd I do?" Jak eagerly asked Et.

Et looked up from his magazine. "Well, you just hit every pylon, and misspelled 'Peacemaker' in question 1," he said. "I think I've gained all I need to know."

"So I get my license?" Jak asked.

Et's eyebrow twitched. "You completely failed! If I give you your license I'll be sent to jail in five minutes!" he yelled down at the man. He stood up, slipped, fell over and fell off the roof. He hit the ground in heap and twitched violently.

-Three weeks later-

Jak walked into the FL HQ with Daxter latched onto his shoulder.

"So did you pass?" Torn, who was almost in a full body cast, asked.

"Yeah, my IQ test says my IQ is 102!" Jak said proudly.

"NO! The driver's test!"

"Oh, I failed badly," Jak said proudly.

"Sucker!" Daxter said.

Torn screamed and began chasing Jak around the room, attempting to strangle him. Jak jumped over a piece of machinery and Torn burst through it, foam flying from his mouth. "DESTROY!"

"Wow, this is amusing!" Daxter said. He was playing Tetris on the computer, completely ignoring Jak and Torn.

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
